Online dating, for all its faults and critiques, has become one of the 4% of the time while men respond to women around 18% of the time. one response, while the average straight woman will have to send 5 messages. A lot of people clearly didn't know what to write in an online dating Time and time again, friends of mine feel crushed when they build a strong If you want a response, you need to give them something to respond to. Online dating: how long after receiving a response should I respond? I guess I could use the time to compose a draft response & let it sit for.
Some people like to reply to things right away, as soon as they see them. They are not the type to overthink and ponder perfect messages. They're likely to be the type to agree to meeting up as soon as possible, perhaps even that same day.
There's likely a variable of interest that factors in too--if they like your profile, they'll be more likely to respond quickly. This is the kind of dater I am when I'm on OkCupid. Some people don't like to appear too eager and prefer to take time to compose a thoughtful message that digs deeper in to someone's psyche. These are the people who are likely to have more extensive contact before meeting someone and will plan things out far in advance.
If someone appeals to them, they may spend even more time planning out their response.
Obviously, there are types in between these two ends of the spectrum. And when people match in their styles, communication is easy and trying to mindread the other person is minimized. When there's a mismatch, there can be a lot of confusion and angst on both ends.
In the end, do what you're comfortable doing. If the other person responds well to it, great! If not, then who knows, it might be an indicator that there were fundamental differences in communication there to begin with, and you just saved yourself the time and trouble of finding that out some other way.
72 hour rule for online dating? - onlinedating okcupid resolved | Ask MetaFilter
I just figured you happened to be online when you get the message. Don't over think it. I know we all do it, but I constantly forget to respond for several days or just can't think of anything clever to say or am too tired to write any kind of vaguely interesting reply.
It doesn't mean I'm not interested.
Some people log into dating website once a week or less. Especially on a free site like OKcupid where you have nothing to lose by being a very casual user.
There's no way to know what she's thinking. Writing back within the hour is not gross. Formulating a well-thought-out response is not gross. Someone wandering away after just one interaction for whatever reason is unfortunately normal, online and in real life. This has the potential to distort your frame of mind.
You do not want to lapse into thinking, "So! She has the time to log on to OKCupid to check out other guys, but apparently she can't be bothered to Don't you have some websites bookmarked that you check so often it's reflexive?
At any given moment when I'm online, I'm likely to head to nytimes. Sometimes it's just "I have this computer with internet access in front of me and I'm bored, so I guess I'll go to one of my default sites.
It IS you - why the longer it takes someone to reply to a text, the less they like you
You have no way of knowing, so try not to stress about this at all. I have no idea if she's waited a couple days because she's not interested or because she wants to take some extra time to write a good message. If it's the latter, she might still intentionally log in for any number of reasons that have nothing to do with you.
Since you haven't even gotten to the first-date stage yet, it's entirely possible she's actively interested in someone else Or maybe she just got an email alert with a preview of a message from some random guy, and it's so horribly written that she wants to log in to read the message for a good laugh.
Maybe she just quit smoking and logged in purely to change the smoking field in her profile to "no. For example, this would be both classic and alarming: Him, 7am - Hi you seem neat Me, 8pm - blah blah blah Him, 8: I am easily smothered. And I mostly get creepy, non-thought-out booty call messages on OKCupid. And I'm not a "you seem neat, let's go out this weekend, person I don't really know" girl.
Think about it, but don't over think it. It helps to keep sending out messages to other people. Don't focus entirely on someone awesome in the early stages. I try to wait at least a day to compose a message, so that I have time to calm down and not say something stupid. But I let freaking voicemail greetings marinate in the same way, so. What's wrong with being excited about communicating with someone and responding quickly?
Honestly, if I knew the same was going through a potential date's mind while communicating with me, I would be extremely disappointed, because it strikes me as very disingenuous. If this sounds overly harsh, don't take it personally, since I don't really know you, but consider it a data point when it comes to the kind of mindset that would lead you to overthink the issue as you have.
If anything, the message would get shorter if I remove digressions. I am hearing the advice on not overthinking things.
The first two responses came in so fast I thought I was being stalked. I am gaining it. They become the perfect FakeSelf, because it's what everyone seems to think they're supposed to do. Then they go on dates with people and continue that pattern of attempting to be the "perfect" and "attractive" FakeSelf, and then wait 72 hours to talk to the person again because that's the rule.
At this point, one of two things generally happens: FakeSelf, over time, becomes frustrated and angry at online dating, because gosh darn it, it seems like FakeSelf just puts FakeSelf out there over and over, and nothing ever comes of all that effort.
I mean, what would it be like if you just wrote what you wanted to write to someone, when you wanted to write it? And then, what if you went out on a date and said what you actually thought and felt about things?! Then when we went out, he was being RealSelf with me. I knew I would never have to wait 3 days before he would call me back.
I knew I would never have to wonder whether he was playing me while he was actually into someone else. I knew I would never have to think, "is he just saying that because he thinks it's the right way to respond?
Being RealSelf, however, isn't the thing that takes all of the energy and effort--it's being FakeSelf that does. So do the thing that's easier, stop wasting your own time, and just be RealSelf from the beginning. I basically treat the OKCupid message system like email, or facebook, or text messages.
I don't use any voodoo or Jane Austenian social codes or whatever. I also don't set any stock in how quickly or slowly anyone replies to my messages. It's really all about what they say.
Then there's all that lovely text analysis Image: Getty "What we do is we subconsciously rate people on metrics like attractiveness, wealth, personality, status, style, IQ, emotional intelligence, kindness and empathy, perceived attitudinal similarities and perceived social liabilities.
Then you compare that score to the score you've given yourself. The same applies if they subconsciously believe their score is higher than yours. There are some factors, however, which mean this rule is not an absolute. Read More Virgin, 29, who's expecting her first baby plans to remain sex-free after birth How we 'rate' someone can dictate how long it takes us to reply Image: Getty A person may have low self-esteem, or overly-inflated self-esteem, meaning there'll be a disparity between their score and the score others would give them.
On this matter Dr Blumberg is clear.
Should we revert to letters? Getty "Yes, they could be on holiday, or they could be playing games, which are the best outcomes. People don't tend to sit on the fence about game-playing.
But if that's why someone is withholding on the texting front, it's not necessarily a sign of weakness on their part, or that they don't like you. Read More Dating should be fun Image: Getty In fact, in terms of heterosexual relationships, game-playing on a woman's part is down to evolutionary psychology.